Eluwak

Alanna Makes Her Grand Entrance

Alanna finally decided to join us all in the outside world at 6:06am on January 27, 2011. She was born at Highland Hospital here in Rochester, NY. She weighed an impressive 8 lbs 14 oz and measured 21 inches (well, technically when she was born they measured her at 19 inches, but her first pediatrician appointment 4 days later measured her at 21 inches, which they triple checked).

She is doing very well and we are exceedingly happy to have her as our newest member of the family. Her 3 year old brother Xan has not just taken it all very well, he cannot stop telling people about his new baby sister and how beautiful she is.

Now, if we could only get a decent night of sleep...

Waiting for Godot, Errr, I Mean Baby

My wife and I are expecting our second child pretty much any moment / day now. Although I am not at all nervous about the actual birth or additional responsibility of another child, I am feeling stressed by the simplest part - waiting. When I was younger I was most certainly an impatient person, but I thought I had evolved beyond that quite some time ago. I am clearly a Type A personality with obsessive-compulsive tendencies in my personal life, so perhaps it is more the lack of control and ability to plan the minutiae of my life that is getting to me. Whatever the cause, I am anxious for our daughter to finally make her appearance.

I have passed the time the last several weeks by doing projects around the house. Four weekends ago I redid the ceiling and painted my son’s play annex. Three weekends ago I moved my office into the finished basement (it is the quietest floor in the house) and converted my old office space into a breakfast nook. Last weekend I painted the trim and walls in the basement staircase and redid the floor of the basement stairs landing.

Perhaps I am so anxious now because I have not focused my energy on a specific project this weekend and instead have been puttering around, clearing snow from the driveway, and cleaning? If I knew that the baby would hold off at least until Monday I probably would have wired a three-way switch for the third-floor guest suite staircase and replaced the old light fixture with a new sconce light. I am a restless person and having my energy unfocused is psychologically painful to me. Does that make me crazy, driven, or both?

Let us not waste our time in idle discourse! Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not every day that we are needed. But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it, before it is too late! - from Waiting for Godot

What is the Right Approach to Parenting?

A couple of weeks ago I read Amy Chau's blog post on WSJ.com. Since then I have been following the conversation and controversy around it.

There are pros and cons to both approaches that Chau discusses, but neither is likely optimal. While the laser focus and pressure of the Chinese approach builds strong academic skills, it is at the expense of building on natural strengths, creativity, innovation, and social and leadership skills. What she terms the "Western Approach" (I call it the West Coast feelings-based douche-bag approach), where children are allowed to pursue (or not pursue) whatever they want and simple effort is celebrated, leads to a lack of discipline, fortitude, and key academic skills, but it promotes creativity, innovation, and social and leadership skills. To over-simplify it, the "Chinese mom" approach creates computer-like drones and the "Western Approach" leads to weakness in character and skills.

To me, the correct approach is essentially in the middle of those extremes. In my opinion, a child should be allowed to explore interests, but it is the parent's job to push them when they see a strong talent and propensity. While effort should be encouraged, it should not be celebrateD in and of itself. Only success should be celebrated and rewarded. A child should be free to shape their own path, but a parent must reinforce and strengthen them along the way. Most children require time to mature before they can tap into self-motivation, which is why it is sometimes necessary to push them along the way.

The "Chinese Approach" treats children like clay - completely malleable and you can make what you want from them. The "Western Approach" treats them like a flower - given time, they will blossom on their own. The approach I am advocating is like building a ski-slope - the hill is natural, but someone had to find it, recognize the potential, and clear the trees.